Why women really work

My first day back at work after both my babies were born will stay forever etched in my memory as stark as my first day at school because the wrench was similar.
Leaving my babies behind for the best part of a day felt wholly unnatural; prising myself away from these tiny beings that had become a part of myself, needy creatures who were relying on me just as much it turned out as I had been relying on them.
I cried as I drove to work. I did that for weeks. Four years on, I sometimes still do.
It’s not that I don’t like my job. Actually, I love it and feel privileged to have it, being an integral part of the news cycle two days a week.
But in those early days when my boys were still babies, it wasn’t job satisfaction that lured me back. It wasn’t money either although, after being on zero income for the first time in my adult life, that sure was welcome. It was the future. Going back to work was like an insurance policy, stepping forward with my future self in mind.
That is why so many mothers fight hard to hang onto their careers. A great many work because they have to, sure. Women who are the sole provider for their children or whose earnings help prop up the family with even the bare necessities. Most families these days rely on two incomes. But economic necessity aside, many mothers keep their jobs because, while it might be a logistic nightmare at the time, it will pay off in the long term.
Like the Chief Marketing Officer for Nickelodeon, Pam Kaufman, who recently spoke of her anguish at leaving her two babies to return to work. They were three months old at the time. They’re now eighteen and twenty. “It was the hardest thing to leave them”, she told us. “But now I know it was worth it”.
It was worth it because, now that her children are all grown up and doing their own thing, Pam still has her career. She has something for herself, something that sustains her not just financially (although there is that) but is rewarding, beyond motherhood.
In her view, her children look up to her because of it, something that wouldn’t have been possible had she ‘opted out’ and stayed home with them. “I’m independent and happy”, she says. “The kids completely get it now”. Short term pain for long term gain.
That is why childcare rebates and (and childcare places) are so essential. It’s not only about assisting parents to put food on tables (as vital as that is) but about retaining skillful women in the workforce who might otherwise see no option but to bail.
The last budget sent working mothers a lifeline in removing the cap on childcare subsidies (for families earning under $185,000 per year) minimising pressure to limit the hours they work. It’s been criticised for putting workforce participation goals above the interests of children. But it’s not forcing women to work; it’s giving them choice. The choice, as one friend put it, “to not just be mother and wife”.
Psychologist and Oprah regular Dr Shefali Tsabary says it benefits our children too to see us having a life outside. “If our children could speak to us here’s what they would say to you: ‘Know who you are, live your own dreams, find your own purpose, because I’m just watching, observing, absorbing. The best gift you can give me is your own unfolding, your own awakening. So move, go, fly free and then I can soar as well’”.
Or, as my friend Anna puts it, “I’m a much more interesting parent when I work”.
“I found it really hard going back to work when my babies were small”, says Newsreader Juanita Phillips, now a single mother with sole financial responsibility for her two children. “It pushed me to the brink of physical breakdown. But I’m so relieved I hung on because I’m now in a position to provide for my children on my own.”
Juanita says she also appreciates what a good role model she’s being in the process. “I’m really proud that my kids get to see me working really hard for them. They see me as a strong, resourceful woman and they see that I’m happy, and that’s worth everything.”
I want my children to see me happy too. I hope that by them witnessing me living a parallel life (not so much separate) of going to work (even just a few days a week) it will inspire them, when the time is right, to work out what they love and to live this way too, dancing to their own special tune.
To that end we must do the things that sustain us, which keep us fulfilled and engaged, beyond our children. We owe them that.